CHUCK NORRIS FACT OF THE WEEK!

CHUCK NORRIS SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS

A few of our favorite CN facts

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down!

Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato.  He shot a 54.

Superman wears Chuck Norris Underwear.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to Infinity, twice.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

HUMOUR

Rules of Combat USMC
* Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two. Bring all of your friends who have weapons. Bring their friends who have weapons.
* Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
* Only hits count. Close doesn't count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
* If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly.
* Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
* If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weapon and a friend with a big weapon.
* In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived and who didn't.
* If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
* Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon.
* Use a weapon that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an it rains in the flintlock of your musket."
* Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
* In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
* Have a plan.
* Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
* Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon.
* Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
* Don't drop your guard.
* Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
* Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).
* Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
* The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
* Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
* Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
* Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
* Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4."

Army
* See USMC Rules for combat
* Add 60 to 90 days
* Hope the Marines already destroyed all meaningful resistance

Navy
* Spend three weeks getting somewhere
* Adopt an aggressive offshore posture
* Send in the Marines
* Drink Coffee
* Bring back the Marines

Air Force
* Kiss the spouse good-bye
* Drive to the flight line
* Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back.
* Pop in at the club for a couple with the guys
* Go home, BBQ some burgers and drink some more beer

This was sent to us by a good friend.

Pretty blunt but I think it gets the point across.

Rules for the Non -Military

 
Dear Civilians, 'We know that the current state of affairs in our great
nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.
For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand.  Here are a
few of the areas where we would like your assistance:

1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during
the playing of the National Anthem - kick their ass.

2.When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in
protest - kick their ass.

3.Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest
amount of respect to all veterans.  If you see anyone doing otherwise,
quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the
very freedom they bask in every second.  Enlighten them on the many
sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great.  Then hold
them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.

4.(GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you
were.  Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling
others that you used to be 'Special Forces,' and collecting GI Joe
memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old.  Now,
it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.

5.Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, 'Do
you fly a jet?'  Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot.  Such
ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).

6.If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military',
inform them of their mistake - and kick their ass.

7.Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on
your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your
heart.  Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be
carrying her - of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a
severe ass-kicking.

8.Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran.  We
are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party
affiliation.  Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief
(CinC).  The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC
regardless of political party.  We have no inside track on what happens
inside those big important buildings where all those representatives
meet  All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up
the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out.  If
you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get
your ass kicked!

9.'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying
it!  If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore could kick
your ass!

10. bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's
go kill those Commies!'   And stop asking us where he is!   Crystal
balls are not standard issue in the military.  That reminds me- if you
see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I
can go kick their ass!

11. 'Flyboy' (Air Force), 'Jarhead' (Marines), 'Grunt' (Army), 'Squid'
(Navy), 'Puddle Jumpers' (Coast Guard), etc., are terms of endearment we
use describing each other.  Unless you are a service member or vet, you
have not earned the right to use them.  Using them could get your ass
kicked.

12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the
military, support our troops and their families.  Every Thanksgiving and
religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please
remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors,
marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their
families.  Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every
day.  Without them, our country would get it's ass kicked.'

'It's the Veteran, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the
press.'

'It's the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of
speech.'

'It's the Veteran, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to
demonstrate.'

'It's the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag,
and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn
the flag.'

One more:
13. If you ever see anyone either standing for or singing the national
anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR ASS.